In the routine life we sometimes stumble upon a day which expectedly turned into a day of retrospection. In a sunny morning when everyone has left the apartment in a huff taking the burden of job with him/her.I have volunteered to stick around till everyone comes back in the evening.Now I have a whole day with me.No one to inspect my actions, no phones(I switched off my mobile) and no one to press the door bell.Lunch was prepared and waiting for me whenever I feel like eating.The only work left for me is to warm my lunch and gulp it.This is the type of day I was longing for years.No expectations ,no demands, no pressure to perform.

With the usual cup of tea in my hands I sat in the balcony of the seventh story apartment and started introspecting.What I wanted to do but could not do. Writing a novel or a nonfiction text that becomes classic or read all the books that I liked or simply indulge in gossip or travel to places where every other fellow has traveled or simply do nothing and be nothing and wait for the inevitable.I felt one more cup of hot tea is needed for an uncluttered thinking. Gossiping is out.I realized that gossiping has lost its charm.If you are not part of the rat race, juicy details and comments about your contemporaries lose their spell.The stories truthful or make believe become dreary.Reading and writing with occasional traveling seems to be the right path and exploring new hobbies and soliciting new friends and fellow travellers seems more lively and exciting.With these happy thoughts I finished my second cup of tea, stood up and started wandering around the room.But the problem is there is no routine, rush, anxiety and consequently no excitement.When you go to market or to a social gathering and you are asked what are you doing and you reply sheepishly I am retired, the other fellow suddenly lose interest in you and excuse himself to go somewhere else and start talking to some useful person.This hurts a lot but there is no solution and you have to bear it.At this juncture of life you have time and inclination to ponder over your past deeds and the way you have lived your life.Now you wonder whether the life you have led was the only way to lead the life, was it predetermined, did you commit certain mistakes which given the opportunity you would not repeat. Such thought cloud your mind and you have to wriggle out from such thinking if you want to live happily after.

As I believe that I am reasonably successful in my life.My definition of personal success is that the conditions you are born and the condition you retire from active life are different and qualitatively improved in terms of social prestige, materialistic gains, fame and power and lastly far ahead than your peer group.In this criterion I am fairly successful. So I deserve an autobiography. Should I write one ? But who is interested in reading that dreary narrative. People are far more interested in fairy tales of success.It is the way you present success is more important than the actual success.Presentation of events or ideas require a good vocabulary, narrative style and ability to link events gracefully.But a writer is born.If not born then you have to practice your art of writing.That requires discipline which sadly I lack. But why one should try to be immortal.Is it necessary to be famous before you die.Can’t we remain ordinary and lead a normal life devoid of mentions in media and surrounded by your worshipers. Socrates has famously said that only an examined life is worth living.What does that mean? We should constantly examine our values and behavior and see whether that is appropriate from the point of view of universal ethics. But how do we know what is Universal Ethics ? The only way to know it is through reason and rationality.Socrates might believed that rational behavior is the appropriate behavior but human beings are not always motivated by reason. There are emotional responses for every action or event.

Well this loud thinking was the only thing I could do till I get another urge for a fresh cup of tea.An aimless life is like you are floating in the air and have no inkling of where are we going.It is as if we are waiting for death to overpower us.Such mental exercises are done by those who think too much.Happy are those who take life as it comes. Deintellectualisation is also necessary to lead a happy life but which may not be satisfied life.But as Marx has said once you become aware and attain consciousness then it is impossible to retreat into per-conscious stage.You have to live with it.With such musings I got up again and went to kitchen to prepare a cup of tea.I thought I require a good amount of ginger and a pinch of masala to make the tea more suitable for intellectualism. I had still the whole day for me.Only in evening everybody else will come back to home.This is how I spent one day at my daughter’s place in Bhuvneshwar far away from my Jaipur.